I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
