I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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