Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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