were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
