yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
