you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Then you guys just all showered together...?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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