i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
