Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
