I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
