You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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