If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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