where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
please come you make the beer taste better
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
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Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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