And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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