i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
