i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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