I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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