My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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