Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize