Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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