Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
