I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Where are you guys?
Drunk
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
