If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize