Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this just has baby written all over it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Randomize
