i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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