And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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