she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
