me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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