I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Who died my cat blue again?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
