he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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