Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
