I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
