I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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