I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
