Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
