you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
