Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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