she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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