real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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