Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
