Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
