I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
