My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize