i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
