i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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