please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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