I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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