Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
