i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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