the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
