john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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