Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
