i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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