The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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