So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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