I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
