..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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