is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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