i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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