Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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