no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
