wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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