I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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