Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
