can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
