at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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